My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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