I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
