Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
