last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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