It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
