Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
