it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she peed on how many people?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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