A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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