This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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