you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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