I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
