I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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