Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
