Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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