Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
