after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
