those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize