Betty ford says i'm here all night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
