Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
