god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
