Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
