I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
