yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
