i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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