I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize