is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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