I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize