Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize