wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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