I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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