she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
