I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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