I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
