The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
