oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize