how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
