so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
