So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
