1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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