I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
