his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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