arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize