Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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