Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
