Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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