wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize