CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Two words: nipple clamps
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