best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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