this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
