you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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