am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
