I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize