Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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