i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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