his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
