i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
