I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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