so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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