i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
