The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
