How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
high people should be assigned attendants
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize