9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
