the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
