next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
