I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
