proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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