Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
